Champagne toasts are better when you can do it with all eight arms. It’s also pretty easy to get stewed with that many toasts. So get your beaver buddy to drive you home. Or crash at his place. Happy New Year everyone!

Relegated to saving a world that would just as soon see them eliminated, this team of young mutant octopi follow the teachings of Professor Oct. His mission is to save mankind from its own fear and hatred of things different.

Dangerous villainy threaten the world, both above the surface and below. And when the level of evil is great enough, a band of heroes rises from the depths to face the challenge. They are the Octopus League.

Whenever you see a beaver running to bring his tomato plants in, you know that Doom is imminent. Hair on fire is just an added bonus.

Apocalyptic visions have all come to this date. And now half the world is covered in darkness! Doom on!

Recycling has become a mainline event in households across the country and around the world. That’s a good thing. But recycling art is more frowned upon. I promise, I’ll try harder next week.

Genetically modifying the food chain of the planet seems like something from a science fiction novel, but it is happening. Improper testing and out of control spread of GM crops ought to be recognized as the greatest crisis to our environment man has ever introduced. But it isn’t. And the mainstream press isn’t even noticing.

Collusion in government has rarely been as transparent as it is today. Both sides ‘oppose’ the other while they both go through dismantling the republic. Both sides refuse to hold the other accountable for their crimes, because they themselves are guilty of similar offenses. This headline will never be in the hands of an octopus.

Mainstream media isn’t going to tell you, and they certainly are not going to put it in the headlines. The Federal Reserve is a private bank owned by 6 very rich families. And they have no reserves. They just make money up, loan it into existence, and then ask for it to be returned with interest. The interest is money that never existed. So it is designed to create national debt.

Occasionally, octopi will pick up a newspaper to try to catch up on world events. They are never disappointed because they don’t expect real news to ever make it into print. Here’s a headline you’ll never see an octopus reading.