Confiscated booty belongs in a safe place, and for beaver pirates, that means putting mulch into the treasure chest. Don’t set off a pirate beaver, or your lawn will suffer.

Pittsburgh is the city of hard working, studious, energetic and no-nonsense people. So beavers fit right in. Beavers are often referred to as the ‘steel rodents’. … ‘Often’ is of course a relative term.

Button-like eyes bring out the haters. Haters are gonna hate, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Just keep on being adorable, and let the rough and tumble beavers do their thing.

Button-like eyes and a thumbs up, sometimes beavers can be just so darned adorable. Who doesn’t want to just run up and squeeze the stuffing out of this little guy? This is a face that screams “Pet this beaver.”

Question: “Have Beavers contemplated Quantum Mechanics or any other forms of non-Newtonian physics? It may be the key to building a better dam.” – Christopher A., Pittsburgh PA

Answer: Beavers are a little quantum shy at this point. Forgetting to carry the 1 can have dire consequences.

Relaxation is an important aspect of beaver life, those who work hard need to play hard. Fishing is one way they do it. But they might not be doing it right.

Maintenance of the homestead is something that beavers take special pride in. It is extremely unlikely that you’ll ever see a beaver pushing a lawnmower without a smile on his face.

Preparation is something the beavers know a lot about. They store for winter and for drought. They do not, however, fear a zombie apocalypse. Instead, they store for something much more sinister, the Zombie Alpacalypse. Zombie Alpacas aren’t really dangerous, since they are vegetarians. They just look weird and freak out beavers.

Evolution can be an amazing study. Why, for instance, did beaver tails evolve to have exactly the right friction coefficient to make hood sliding so natural for them? Or perhaps it was man who made the car finish the right texture to make it work. Either way, this strange behavior can be seen from time to time when beavers come out into civilization (to solve a crime or escape from Sheriff Rosco P Coltrane.)

George Washington is known for being the great truth-sayer, never able to tell a lie. Little known fact: That whole myth is based upon an incident where he did indeed lie, to save the skin of his beaver friend. History can be a rich study if you dig deep enough.

Endurance is chief among the traits necessary to be a great fiddle player. If you’re going to play with beavers, you gotta have a fiddle in your band.

Communal and industrious, ants are the beavers of the insect world. Plus, they are funny. The ‘who farted’ joke with ants is even funnier than with beavers.

Seminal works like Sin City and The Dark Night Returns have influenced beaver culture. When it comes to grim and gritty heroes, Marv tops their list.

Dystopian stories do not always touch on how beavers react to such a future, but they have been picked up by in fan fiction. With Hunger Games, you’ll find that beavers do not fare well, as they tend to eat their weaponry.

Eternally adventurous, beavers have a strong oral history. And as a spice to the scarey stories of beaver-days past, beavers love to pull out the flashlight.

Hollywood cinema has a brief love affair with beavers in the late 1970′s, but people tended to snicker at titles like this, and the money dried up. Still, there are are quotes that will live in movie history forever, like “Get your hands off me, you damned dirty beaver!”

Twitterpaitted was how it was once described. Katy Perry has built up a strong following among young beavers, and really, who could blame them.

Courage in the face of adversity is a motto for beavers. But when faced with a giant baby, only absolute terror remains. … No photoshop needed.

Manipulation of the DNA of nature is something that beavers are in most ways opposed to. But there are those of us who would get on board if we crossed an octopus with a beaver. Think of all the things we could get done with the beaver work ethic and the multiple limbs of the octopus.

Championship level has it’s challenges, and some creatures just don’t play fair. It’s times like this that beavers refer back to that old adage, “Narwhals are jerks.”